How To Get Over Rejection

How To Get Over Rejection
Bagaimana Mengatasi Penolakan

TRANSKRIP
Being dropped. It will happen to us all, at some point.
So negotiating the pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.
A number of tips suggest themselves.
Firstly… don’t attempt to minimize what’s happened.
Being ‘brave’ has no place here.
Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals
you eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life.
Secondly… believe them when they said it.
Don’t imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provides any covert indications of future commitment.
Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn’t quite have the courage to do so themselves.
Don’t imagine that anyone can love on command.
The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will.
It isn’t a question of them not trying hard enough.
Remove morality from it: they were not being ‘bad’ for not loving, and nor were you ‘good’ for wanting them.
You were both on search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes.
Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.
So don’t turn this into a morality tale.
They acted weirdly around the break up not because they were bad or – indeed – unsure.
They just felt terribly guilty… because they’re nice.
Which doesn’t, though, mean that they want you.
Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don’t want us.
It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred.
But this isn’t romanticism, it’s an illness.
The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us and so admiring of those who don’t.
Think back to when you rejected people: you didn’t hate them or regret them.
The chief emotions were embarrassment and pity.
Don’t connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you.
Don’t accuse them of cowardice.
Don’t exaggerate their qualities.
Don’t insist on their uniqueness.
Don’t offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind.
Don’t imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt.
And don’t defensively maintain that they had a ‘fear of intimacy’.
Just try to laugh. And have a few rounds of casual sex, if that helps.
But above all, don’t keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad.
The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning, would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong.
And this wasn’t – in the end – despite all the promising signs – that kind of relationship… at all.

TERJEMAHAN
Being dropped. It will happen to us all, at some point.
Ditolak. Itu, suatu saat, akan terjadi pada kita semua.

So negotiating the pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living.
Jadi menegosiasikan rasa sakit dengan akal sehat adalah seni hidup.

A number of tips suggest themselves.
Beberapa tips menawarkan diri mereka.

Firstly… don’t attempt to minimize what’s happened.
Pertama, jangan mencoba untuk mengecilkan apa yang telah terjadi.

Being ‘brave’ has no place here.
Bersikap ‘tegar’ tidak punya tempat di sini.

Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals
you eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life.
Ijinkan rasa sedihmu ruang yang luas, waktu yang lama, lagu melankolis yang banyak, mandi berendam air panas dan kuliner yang memanjakan yang pada akhirnya kamu akan bosan dan mendorong kembali hasrat hidupmu.

Secondly… believe them when they said it.
Kedua, percayalah mereka ketika mereka mengatakannya.

Don’t imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provides any covert indications of future commitment.
Jangan bayangkan bahwa kemanisan masa lalu dan kata-kata baik mereka memberikan indikasi samar-samar mengenai komitmen masa depan.

Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn’t quite have the courage to do so themselves.
Bunuhlah sendiri segala sisa harapan, jika mereka tidak memiliki keberanian untuk melakukannya.

Don’t imagine that anyone can love on command.
Jangan bayangkan bahwa semua orang bisa mencintai ketika diperintah.

The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will.
Kapasitas untuk tertarik berada di luar kemauan.

It isn’t a question of them not trying hard enough.
Ini bukanlah pertanyaan apakah mereka tidak mencoba lebih keras.

Remove morality from it: they were not being ‘bad’ for not loving, and nor were you ‘good’ for wanting them.
Singkirkan moralitas: mereka tidak buruk karena tidak mencintai dan kamu tidak baik karena menginginkan mereka.

You were both on search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes.
Kalian berdua sedang dalam pencarian akan kenikmatan yang membawa kalian ke rute yang berbeda dan bertentangan.

Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas.
Alam sadar kita berlayar seperti sampan kecil di atas gelombang lautan psikoanalitik bawah sadar dan biologis.

So don’t turn this into a morality tale.
Jadi jangan jadikan ini sebuah kisah moralitas.

They acted weirdly around the break up not because they were bad or – indeed – unsure.
Mereka bertingkah aneh ketika putus bukan karena mereka jahat atau – mungkin – tidak yakin.

They just felt terribly guilty… because they’re nice.
Mereka hanya merasa bersalah, karena mereka baik.

Which doesn’t, though, mean that they want you.
Yang meskipun bukan berarti mereka menginginkanmu.

Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don’t want us.
Banyak dari kita cenderung berpikir terlalu baik kepada orang yang tidak menginginkan kita.

It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred.
Itu menambah rasa benci ke diri kita sendiri.

But this isn’t romanticism, it’s an illness.
Tapi itu bukan romantisme, itu adalah sebuah penyakit.

The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us and so admiring of those who don’t.
Tantangan sebenarnya adalah berhenti merasa jijik pada orang yang sebenarnya menginginkan kita dan berhenti mengagumi orang yang tidak menginginkan kita.

Think back to when you rejected people: you didn’t hate them or regret them.
Pikirkan kembali ketika kamu menolak orang: kamu tidak membenci mereka atau menyesali mereka.

The chief emotions were embarrassment and pity.
Emosi utama adalah rasa malu dan kasihan.

Don’t connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you.
Jangan hubungkan penolakan dengan segala sesuatu yang kamu takuti dan benci dirimu sendiri.

Don’t accuse them of cowardice.
Jangan tuduh mereka pengecut.

Don’t exaggerate their qualities.
Jangan lebih-lebihkan kualitas mereka.

Don’t insist on their uniqueness.
Jangan bersikeras akan keunikan mereka.

Don’t offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind.
Jangan tawarkan hubungan seks dengan harapan mereka akan berubah pikiran.

Don’t imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt.
Jangan bayangkan bahwa orang akan kembali jatuh cinta dengan seseorang karena kasihan atau rasa bersalah.

And don’t defensively maintain that they had a ‘fear of intimacy’.
Dan jangan secara defensif berpendapat bahwa mereka memiliki rasa takut akan intimasi.

Just try to laugh. And have a few rounds of casual sex, if that helps.
Cobalah tertawa. Dan, jika itu membantu, berhubunganlah secara kasual.

But above all, don’t keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad.
Tapi yang penting, jangan terus berpikir bahwa akhir dari hubungan ini menyedihkan dengan tragis.

The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning, would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong.
Satu-satunya hubungan baik, yang layak untuk diratapi, adalah di mana dua orang mati-matian ingin memiliki satu sama lain.

And this wasn’t – in the end – despite all the promising signs – that kind of relationship… at all.
Dan pada akhirnya, meskipun tanda-tanda yang menjanjikan, ini sama sekali bukanlah hubungan seperti itu.