Are You Difficult to Love

Are You Difficult to Love
Apakah Kamu Sulit Untuk Dicintai

TERJEMAHAN
The idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points offensive.
Yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long-term.
There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don’t, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so.
We are, all of us, invariably, hugely tricky propositions.
We don’t need to know anyone in particular to know this about everyone.
We have all – in some way or another – been inadequately parented,
we have a panoply of unfortunate psychological traits,
we are beset by bad habits,
we are anxious, jealous, ill-tempered and vain.
We are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else’s life by agreeing to be their partner.
We tend to be shielded from this unwelcome news prior to a big relationship through a mixture of sentimentality and neglect.
Our parents loved us too much to tell us;
our friends don’t want to get bogged down in detailed critiques of our personalities;
a pleasant occasional meal is all they want from us.
And our exes were too keen to escape from us to offer up a helpfully detailed critique of our personalities.
They simply told us they needed a little more space
– or needed to take a long trip to India.
Furthermore, when we’re on our own, we just don’t notice how annoying we might well be in the eyes of others.
Perhaps we were in a sulk for the whole of a Sunday,
but no-one was there to be driven crazy by our self-pity and our passive fury.
We may have tendencies to use our work as an escape from intimacy,
but so long as we are not permanently with someone, we can pass off our eccentric hours without comment.
Our peculiar eating habits won’t be real until there is another person across the table to register our challenging chewing sounds and ingredient combinations.
Eventually, a partner will call us out on these traits.
It feels like a horrible personal attack which a nicer person would not put us through.
But it is no such thing.
It is an inevitable response to our failings – which anyone would need eventually to bring up.
Our partner is not really doing anything odd.
They are merely holding up a mirror.
Everyone, seen close up, has an appalling amount wrong with their character.
It’s not us – it’s the human condition.
The specifics vary hugely, of course; people are nightmarish in different ways.
But the basic point is to share.
Whatever we think or feel about ourselves, we will be revealed as sorely defective upon close-up, prolonged inspection.
Sadly, it’s not that our partner is being too critical or unusually demanding.
They are the bearer of an inevitable news: that we are a nightmare.
Being asked to acknowledge one’s flaws isn’t a request to admit something very strange.
What would be strange would be to think that one was without major defects.
Of course we have some delightful qualities as well, but it does mean that we are unavoidably going to be very hard for another person to live around.
We need therefore to ask ourselves in as candid a manner as as we can manage
what specifically might be slightly crazy or desperate or undeveloped in our characters.
Maturity involves having quite a detailed answer to the following question,
“How are you difficult to live with.”
A presumption of one’s own innocence is at the heart of self righteousness and cruelty.
Because our minds may go blank at this point and remember only our tender and beautiful sides, we can lean on a set of prompts
For example when i’m annoyed I have a tendency to…
When I feel hurt I…
Around money I can be a bit difficult because…
I guess I worry really quite a lot about …
I suppose I might be a bit of a handful around sex because…
The point of prompting greater awareness of our questionable patterns of behaviour isn’t to feel guilty or ashamed about them.
Just to see how easily they can be confusing, disturbing and annoying to another person.
We need before we commit ourselves to a relationships to get fully acquainted with all the ways in which we are going to be a serious challenge to live around.
Our Relationships Reboot cards inspire conversations that can help to re-kindle love between you and your partner.

TRANSKRIP
The idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points offensive.
Gagasan bahwa seseorang dalam banyak adalah orang yang begitu susah sulit dalam sebuah hubungan mungkin terdengar tidak mungkin dan bahkan menyakitkan hati.

Yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long-term.
Tapi memahami sepenuhnya dan secara siap dan besar hati mengakui kemungkinan ini bisa jadi adlaah cara terjelas untuk memastikan seseorang adalah sebuah persoalan yang bisa diterima dalam jangka panjang.

There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don’t, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so.
Ada lebih sedikit orang yang lebih tidak bisa ditoleransi dibandingkan mereka yang, secara rutin, tidak berpikir demikian.

We are, all of us, invariably, hugely tricky propositions.
Kita semua, tanpa kecuali, adalah persoalan yang begitu rumit.

We don’t need to know anyone in particular to know this about everyone.
Kita tidak perlu tahu seseorang secara khusus untuk memahami ini.

We have all – in some way or another – been inadequately parented,
Kita semua – satu cara ataupun lainnya – kurang cukup dididik oleh orang tua

we have a panoply of unfortunate psychological traits,
kita punya segudang sifat psikologis yang patut disayangkan,

we are beset by bad habits,
kita dikepung oleh kebiasaan buruk,

we are anxious, jealous, ill-tempered and vain.
kita panik, cemburu, pemarah dan angkuh.

We are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else’s life by agreeing to be their partner.
Kita membawa sejumlah masalah yang luar biasa ke hidup orang lain dengan setuju untuk menjadi pasangan mereka.

We tend to be shielded from this unwelcome news prior to a big relationship through a mixture of sentimentality and neglect.
Kita cenderung terlindungi dari berita yang tidak menyenangkan ini sebelum sebuah hubungan yang serius melalui campuran sentimentalitas dan pengabaian.

Our parents loved us too much to tell us;
Orang tua kita terlalu mencintai kita untuk mengatakannya;

our friends don’t want to get bogged down in detailed critiques of our personalities;
teman-teman kita tidak ingin terjerumus dalam kritik detil akan kepribadian kita;

a pleasant occasional meal is all they want from us.
yang mereka inginkan dari kita hanyalah sebuah makan bersama sewaktu-waktu yang menyenangkan

And our exes were too keen to escape from us to offer up a helpfully detailed critique of our personalities.
Dan mantan pasangan kita terlalu ingin bebas dari kita untuk menawarkan kritik akan kepribadian kita yang detail dan membantu.

They simply told us they needed a little more space
Mereka hanya berkata pada kita bahwa mereka butuh ruang

– or needed to take a long trip to India.
– atau perlu berkelana ke India.

Furthermore, when we’re on our own, we just don’t notice how annoying we might well be in the eyes of others.
Terlebih, ketika kita sendirian, kita tidak bisa mengamati betapa menyebalkannya kita di mata orang lain.

Perhaps we were in a sulk for the whole of a Sunday,
Mungkin kita merajuk sepanjang hari Minggu,

but no-one was there to be driven crazy by our self-pity and our passive fury.
tapi tidak ada siapa-siapa untuk digilakan oleh rasa kasihan pada diri sendiri dan murka pasif kita.

We may have tendencies to use our work as an escape from intimacy,
Kita mungkin memiliki kecenderungan untuk menggunakan pekerjaan kita sebagai pelarian dari intimasi,

but so long as we are not permanently with someone, we can pass off our eccentric hours without comment.
tapi sepanjang kita tidak bersama seseorang secara permanen, kita bisa melewatkan waktu-waktu eksentrik kita tanpa komentar.

Our peculiar eating habits won’t be real until there is another person across the table to register our challenging chewing sounds and ingredient combinations.
Kebiasaan makan kita yang aneh tidak akan menjadi nyata hingga ada orang lain di seberang meja yang memperhatikan suara mengunyah kita dan kombinasi bumbu yang menantang.

Eventually, a partner will call us out on these traits.
Akhirnya, pasangan kita akan memperingatkan kita akan ciri-ciri ini,

It feels like a horrible personal attack which a nicer person would not put us through.
Rasanya seperti serangan pribadi yang buruk yang tidak akan dilakukan oleh orang yang lebih baik hati.

But it is no such thing.
Tapi bukanlah demikian.

It is an inevitable response to our failings – which anyone would need eventually to bring up.
Itu adalah respon tidak terelakkan akan kekurangan kita – yang akhirnya seseorang perlu sampaikan kepada kita.

Our partner is not really doing anything odd.
Pasangan kita sebenarnya tidak melakukan hal yang aneh.

They are merely holding up a mirror.
Mereka hanya sedang memegang sebuah cermin.

Everyone, seen close up, has an appalling amount wrong with their character.
Semua orang, yang dilihat dari dekat, memiliki sejumlah sifat buruk yang menjijikkan.

It’s not us – it’s the human condition.
Itu bukan hanya kita – itu sifat manusia.

The specifics vary hugely, of course; people are nightmarish in different ways.
Tentu saja, detilnya akan sangat bervariasi, orang adalah mimpi buruk dengan cara yang berbeda-beda.

But the basic point is to share.
Tapi poin dasarnya adalah untuk berbagi.

Whatever we think or feel about ourselves, we will be revealed as sorely defective upon close-up, prolonged inspection.
Apapun yang kita pikirkan atau rasakan tentang diri kita, kita akan ditunjukkan sebagai sangat cacat dalam pemeriksaan lebih dekat dalam jangka waktu lama.

Sadly, it’s not that our partner is being too critical or unusually demanding.
Sedihnya, bukannya karena pasangan kita terlalu kritis atau terlalu banyak menuntut secara tidak wajar.

They are the bearer of an inevitable news: that we are a nightmare.
Mereka adalah pembawa berita yang tidak terelakkan: bahwa kita adalah sebuah mimpi buruk.

Being asked to acknowledge one’s flaws isn’t a request to admit something very strange.
Diminta untuk mengakui ketidaksempurnaan bukanlah sebuah permintaan untuk mengakui sesuatu yang sangat aneh.

What would be strange would be to think that one was without major defects.
Yang akan aneh adalah berpikir bahwa seseorang tidak memiliki kekurangan besar.

Of course we have some delightful qualities as well, but it does mean that we are unavoidably going to be very hard for another person to live around.
Tentu saja kita memiliki kualitas yang baik juga, tapi itu berarti bahwa tanpa bisa dihindari kita akan menjadi orang yang sulit untuk tinggal bersama.

We need therefore to ask ourselves in as candid a manner as as we can manage
Oleh karena itu kita perlu bertanya pada diri sendiri sejujur mungkin

what specifically might be slightly crazy or desperate or undeveloped in our characters.
secara spefisik apa yang sedikit gila atau putus asa atau tidak berkembang dalam kepribadian kita.

Maturity involves having quite a detailed answer to the following question,
Kedewasaan meliputi memiliki sebuah jawaban lengkap untuk pertanyaan berikut,

“How are you difficult to live with.”
“Bagaimana kamu susah untuk hidup bersama”

A presumption of one’s own innocence is at the heart of self righteousness and cruelty.
Anggapan ketidakbersalahan seseorang adalah pusat kebenaran diri sendiri dan kekejaman.

Because our minds may go blank at this point and remember only our tender and beautiful sides, we can lean on a set of prompts
Karena pikiran kita mungkin akan kosong dan hanya mengingat sisi lembut dan indah kita, kita bisa bertumpu pada beberapa petunjuk berikut

For example when i’m annoyed I have a tendency to…
Misalnya ketika saya kesal saya memiliki kecenderungan untuk…

When I feel hurt I…
Ketika saya tersakiti saya…

Around money I can be a bit difficult because…
Perihal uang saya bisa jadi orang yang sulit karena…

I guess I worry really quite a lot about …
Saya rasa saya banyak mengkhawatirkan tentang…

I suppose I might be a bit of a handful around sex because…
Saya rasa saya mungkin susah dikendalikan perihal seks karena…

The point of prompting greater awareness of our questionable patterns of behaviour isn’t to feel guilty or ashamed about them.
Tujuan dari mendorong kesadaran lebih akan pola perilaku yang meragukan bukanlah untuk merasa bersalah atau malu.

Just to see how easily they can be confusing, disturbing and annoying to another person.
Tapi hanya untuk melihat betapa mudahnya perilaku itu bisa menjadi membingungkan, mengganggu dan membuat kesal orang lain.

We need before we commit ourselves to a relationships to get fully acquainted with all the ways in which we are going to be a serious challenge to live around.
Sebelum kita berkomitmen pada sebuah hubungan, kita perlu sepenuhnya mengenali semua cara di mana kita akan menjadi tantangan untuk hidup bersama orang lain.

Our Relationships Reboot cards inspire conversations that can help to re-kindle love between you and your partner.
Kartu Reset Hubungan kami menginspirasi perbincangan yang bisa membantu menghidupkan kembali cinta antara kamu dan pasanganmu.